Why is it so hard to heal after ending a relationship with a narcissistic person ?
I love this discussion so far! I would also add that empathetic people (which are most commonly targeted by narcissists) usually feel the need to help and heal others which is why letting go would be especially hard and heartbreaking for them.
Wow.. that's a GREAT example you shared. And the changes that happen in the brain really explain a lot about why is staying in this kind of relationships so addictive.
Thank you for your informative and thoughtful answer Eve.
statistically women go back to their abusers about 7 times (average) before finally leaving. Its called a trauma bond and it’s real and seen in nature. If you watch mother ducks who abuse only some of her ducklings but not others, you will notice the ones who were abused as staying closer to the mother than the other ducks who explore off on their own. There is an addictive aspect that happens when someone you love who is toxic for you creates in the brains reward center mixed with oxytocin and dopamine and other things it messes with, from insane lows ( devaluing, discarding, gaslighting etc) to extreme highs (treats you like you aren’t human-a goddess, a savior, perfect and also the Love bombing phase etc)
if you have any narcissistic injuries yourself, they will use that against you making you feel amazing and then like a piece of shit from one minute to the next. The gaslighting is almost a hypnotic state aswell and highly suggestible people who are confused about feelings of trust and love for their partner are constantly questioning their own sanity as a result. often once a victim learns about narcissists and is able to sort of ”snap out of it” and come back to reality, there is a detoxing and deprogramming that needs to happen in the brain and it starts with self-love. Choosing yourself and in learning how to set boundaries and watch out for those who are only a facade and not a real person and eventually they will learn to VALUE real genuine authentic loving relationships, something the narcissist will never have.
Because victims of Narcissistic abuse blame themselves for the all things their abuser did to them. Victims thought its their fault they are heartbroken.
Narcissistic made them to second guess every thing.
Thank you for your answer Ayesha. Letting go of guilt seems to be playing a huge role in this healing process.
Recovery from a narcissist can be more difficult than other relationships partly due to self-criticism in the aftermath. We tend to judge ourselves about the reasons that we stayed in that relationship so long. And it does require a lot of self compassion to heal from a narcisstic relationship
Thank you for mentioning how important it is not to judge ourselves in the process of healing.
I think there are a lot of reasons for this. For one, the narcissist often makes you question your reality and breaks down your self worth. People may struggle with low self-esteem after, in addition to having a hard time trusting their own judgement. It is also a cycle with highs and lows that can be really addictive and confusing.
I totally agree with this. Thank you for your answer Emily! I think "the cycle with highs and lows" is the main reason why a person finds is so hard to let go of a narcissist. I'll definitely explore this disorder further..